Swimmingly

Life's been a lot of things lately. In some ways, I've been finding myself very lucky. I was home for the weekend we're just coming off. Karen was off at Princeton for a conference, so I spent my time at home with family. There was a lot to be thankful for. Lots of great conversations with Dad, Steve, etc. Dinner on the deck. Things that matter the most when they're no longer commonplace.

On Saturday night, Steve and I went for a run. First time we've done it together, and it was great. Beautiful country roads, good conversation... it was late, so it was dark, and there was an incredible mist over the fields. Beautiful. 'Hound of the Baskervilles'-style.

On Sunday, I spent the day watching football with Chuck and Jimmy. What a fantastic afternoon. The cycle of a friendship that is initiated and grown primarily in a church setting, like ours was, is a weird one that comes with a bunch of its own challenges. Initially, it's the best. You grow up together, you know each other so well, and you have a ton of fun. You have conversations about changing the world, and grabbing life by the horns, and becoming everything you want to be. But when everybody gets older and goes to college and moves away, you all start to become your own person, and you don't see eye-to-eye as often anymore. You run in your own circles, develop your own opinions... and for a while there, everything gets a little more distant. You're not used to the differences, and at first it feels as though everything is wrong. Shouldn't we be tighter about this? Should we be more proactive? But eventually you get to the point where days like Sunday can happen, where, in a way it feels like old times, and in a way it feels way better because you can actually love the fact that the other guys are who they are and who they've become. I thought about it a lot driving home, and I really count myself as lucky for still having great long-term friends like that. Also, shout-out to Judes for making Chocolate Chip Muffins (Caps intentional. They're worthy.)

Back in Toronto, life plods along, generally in a very positive bent. Every time I'm struggling with something, Kar tells me to keep myself open, and store the experience as an example of what other people could be dealing with at any given time. It's an eye opener. More than anything I hate the feeling of being forced into passivity. Being reliant on others isn't something I'm necessarily particularly used to, and I'm much more comfortable when I'm able to control my own outcome. In one sense, I feel as though I've hit a bit of a wall on my own. Additionally, I think it's as simple as being honest about the fact that I crave like-minded friends. I crave others who are as passionate about the things that are important to me as I am, and who are willing to get there regardless of the input required.

It's a catch, because nothing really happens that way, and in the end, the very traits that would be most useful in getting me out of this position are the ones that I'm frustrated with always having to exercise. There's no victory in saying, "screw it... I'll do it myself. I'll just make it happen and make it work..." The event is never the point. The journey is the point. And eventually, taking the journey on your own gets tiresome.

So I suppose I continue to learn about myself as I pursue that journey.

At this point, an inscrutable desire to wrap things up with positive and progressive closure usually dictates any final statements... but I think I'll leave this one stand. Work in progress. Still sorting out my gameplan in this regard.


Other items of note:

- the new Relient K album is streaming various places online. It sounds like a turd. A few songs are good, but sonically, I just almost always despise the way Andy Wallace mixes, and this is no exception. Blurg.

- the new John Mayer single is around as well. I suspect he's penned what will be the first of a new rash of 60's-esque drug-induced hippie anthems. Maybe "mellowed out apathy with a clean, light coating of inclusiveness" is the new "existential pursuit of the bigger answers to bigger questions." I like the song though. Musicians in that bunch, to be sure.

- Went swimming yesterday. I'm terrible at it, and it was really physically hard, but it was fun! It's funny when you do something so completely new to you that you immediately start developing serious doubts and irrational fears in the middle of it. Like when I'm standing in the changeroom alone and starting to get seriously freaked out about thoughts like, "what if I get out there to the pool and every other person is wearing t-shirts, cause that's how they do it now for some reason, and I'm the only one standing there on the deck half-naked with everyone laughing at me and smacking me in the head with pool noodles. Didn't happen that way, though, and I managed to find my way around with relatively little embarrassment. I think, though, that I have a very low buoyancy rating. Is that a measurable statistic?

- Chuck and I just locked up another bet. I'm down a beer but up a coffee to him right now (or is it the other way around? Check the archives...). This time, it's that the Leafs will make the playoffs.

- I asked God for wisdom, and he brought it on heavy, but in tooth form. Now it's infected, and I've yet to lead any nation for any length of time, so far as I can tell. This whole thing just went way sideways. Gotta have it pulled soon... just waiting for "his holiness", Mr. Dentistopolous from Greektown to deem me worthy of a 3-minute, $150.00 consultation one of these days to confirm what his employee has already told me. In the meantime, I've got a foolproof excuse for walking around with a curled upper lip and a surly attitude.

Go Leafs!!
JB