The Imperative of Conversation.

Relational skill.. this is something to ponder. Discussion, and the ability to communicate with the people around you...

Roger Ebert writes:

"I wonder about something. With the invention of channel surfing, and then web surfing, have we all become rewired? Has the national attention span dropped? Is that why kids like shallow action pictures and why episodic television is losing to reality shows? And why sports, which offer a frisson every few seconds, are more popular than ever? Is that why slogans are replacing reasoning in our political arena? Is an addiction to video games the ultimate expression of this erosion of our attention span?"

Do we know how to talk?

I'm noticing that an increasing percentage of my moments of communication with others consist of multiple people, all talking at each other. Talking at, as opposed to talking to. What is relating? It's as though we've forgotten the first staple of relational living... the fact that other people are interesting. We gather in large groups, we spend entire evenings talking at each other, opening our mouths... What's said, in the end? Anything? What does anybody gain from the experience?

People my age seem to approach relationships with a sort of intensity... the breakneck hang-out. Embarking on an aggressively shared moment as a means of maximizing the individual experience. The idea being, "I've got to have as much shared fun with these people as possible, because I can't think of the next time I'm going to be able to fill myself up, and this is my only chance". But at the end of a social experience loaded with speaking, but short on conversation, something still feels unresolved. As though nothing really happened at all.

When a social experience is more about yourself than it is about the others involved, it's doomed to fail, right? And that, maybe, is the root of the problem. In today's world, the self is at the centre of everything. More of me. More of my content, everywhere, all the time. Check my facebook. Here are the pictures of my latest vacation. Here is a video of me playing a song. Here is a blog all about what I think about relating. We are a society of individuals, and our minds are largely occupied by our own pursuits.

What does the pie chart of my mental activity look like? What is the percentage slice dedicated to others?

It isn't natural anymore. We have to learn community. We have to study our own experiences. We have to get good at being friends. The contrary is immaturity. Self awareness is key. We have to step back, and think about how we relate to others, and why. Nobody needs to borrow my sugar. Nobody calls me up to ask if I can help them move this weekend. We need to find those opportunities. And we need to hold ourselves to high standards. We really do need to hold ourselves to high standards. To stop separating ourselves, fitting ourselves into a stage of life in which all things are permissible under the banner of youth.

We need to have this figured out, because it's going to make us better friends, better neighbors, and better people. It's going to alter how we think about others, and what we do with our wealth. It's going to change how we approach faith and spirituality. A generation of skilled conversationalists is a generation that continues to grow, and learn, and mold their understanding of the world based on a bigger picture and a higher vantage point. I think that is imperative.