Monday, April 26, 2010

Musings after church...

It's frustrating to me that so often, when we talk about things that happened back in 'biblical days', everything seems way too easy.

The general public is one large, amorphous mass that generally agrees on an obviously asinine concept (ie./ killing other Christians with differing belief systems during the reformation). The good guys are eloquent heros who stand on boxes declaring truth in the face of certain torture and death. The resultant death is followed sharply by an upturn in courage on the part of fellow believers, and a general understanding that the inspiring selflessness of the decision to die has resulted in a furthering of the cause.

What actually happened!? If a guy stood up in a hostile environment today, in another part of the world, and declared his truth, and was shot... would we call that martyrdom? Wisdom? Foolishness? Ridiculousness?

Would not our thoughts have less to do with the guy who was killed, and more to do with the people who killed him?

How about the crucifixion? What happened to the mob? What was their reality? On an individual level, what brought those people out that day? What made them so angry? Were they just simple, unintelligent people? Again... this image of a large, jeering, hostile crowd is unbelievable! Who are they? They're the 'biblical public'. It's fascinating that they're a part of the narrative of our faith for the sake of telling the story, but nothing more. When Christ was finally killed that day, did they shuffle off towards their homes for dinner? Did they suddenly recognize the error of their ways, en masse? Was it awkwardly quiet?

What about the family in the next town over, who were out taking their kid to soccer practice (or whatever the comparative norm of the day was..) and declined to follow the crowd as it made its obnoxious, over-energetic way down the road towards the hill? The husband said, 'you wanna go see what's up?' The wife said, 'you know, I really do have to get this washing done, and it's been a while since we spent an evening alone together anyway...'

I recognize that I'm skipping over culturally specific factors. The questions still drive me crazy.

Every time I see a video in church... something representative of that time, my thoughts go in the opposite of the intended direction.

Was Christ literally so entirely polarizing that the entire community hated him? This is the guy who kissed babies and gave a crap about the homeless? And if that was the case, and he was so completely hated that the entire general public would relish the opportunity to come out as one and witness his being put to an excruciatingly painful death, then what the heck was their deal!? Seriously.. guys.. chill the heck out! Let's talk! We're all human beings here! And if Christ really was that aggressively difficult to like.... well... then why would it be expected that anybody would ever be particularly on board with his message?

Sometimes I think that the whole thing would be far more convincing if it was a back room deal. He was smuggled out of his home in the middle of the night, and by the time the town woke up, everybody was asking where he'd up and gone to. And the community leaders spun some sort of clever little thread about how he had left suddenly, and somebody had seen him hightailing it out of the gate, making sure he wasn't followed. The whole thing would've left a seed of doubt, and people would've started asking what they had ever done to him, anyway? And why did he think he was so much better than us?

But that's not how it went down, because the Pharisees.. those guys weren't particularly intelligent. Just angry, grumpy, small-minded old men with a vendetta the size of texas.

Nah.. I don't believe that. I think the extra dimensions were all there.. just not recorded. We have the basics, I suppose.. the meat of the story. But man, more often than not I find myself wishing there were more bones...

JB

Monday, April 19, 2010

Track 1, Drums. Track 2, Bass. Track 3, Inspiration...

I've been wondering about how the changes in life always happen with a sort of immediacy that escapes cognizant experience. Dude... I don't even know if that sentence means anything. I love the word cognizant, though. Cognizance is just pretentious awareness.

When someone asks me how long I've been working with CTV, I always seem to stumble around, muttering, "year and a half?.. no.. wait.. two years?.." until Kar looks at me like I'm wearing zebra fur and says, "four and a half Jon.." I'm just not aware of the timeframe. I keep thinking I just got out of college.

I'm uncertain as to where the border lies. Pay your $2.75, declare any purchases, and enjoy your stay here in "that period in your life that you always used to talk about during the lofty, late-night conversations that started with, 'someday I'd love to..'".

At the Junos last night, Drake rapped, or guest-rapped, or just hung out on stage high-fiving people during almost every performance. Anyway, during his one solo performance (are any hip hop performances ever really 'solo'?), he was saying a bunch of stuff about ho's and cash-money, and then something about bottle service at a club, I think.. and then at his most enlightened, he dove into a chorus about "I'm just doing me, living life right now..."

Which is actually a really interesting statement. I feel like I'm there, right alongside my boy Drizzy. Only, in my mind, it's less a statement of false bravado, and more a moment of intrigued self-observation. The fact is, I am, currently, just doing "me". Life changes. I can alter my course. But for the moment, I'm existing on a daily basis in a scenario that I've created for myself.

I remember golfing alone once, at Orchard View, back when I was young, and cocky, and had buck teeth. These 3 dudes were slow playing in front of me, and asked me if I wanted to join them to make 4. They were all 30 somethings... business guys. I'm sure I was amusing to them.. what with my sharp pants, junior spikes, and 130 yard drive. Anyway, one of the guys asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember saying, "something to do with computers.." I also remember taking as many math and science courses in high school as I possibly could. Somewhere along the line you develop a better sense of who you want to be, and what you're meant to do in/for this world.

This has been a stellar weekend. We painted the laundry room. I always have to work so hard not to get paint in my hair. Paint in my hair is to reno days what ketchup on my shirt was to hotdog days. Anyway, I look over across the laundry room, and my girl is over there looking unreal, doing a way better job than I ever could at painting in a straight line, and ensuring that at least one of us is very successfully not getting it on the ceiling, and we've got MJ's 'Billie Jean' bringing the bass good and proper, and I've gotta give it to my man Drake. Cause here's the both of us..

'just doin' me, just living life right now, mayne.. '

I'm gonna hold it down.
Jay-B.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Let's go.

Coming into summer has a way of turning my thought process around. Winter is about conservation. Energy, heat, time... everything seems fleeting in the colder months.

Working on the negative side of the ledger is always frustrating to me. I've never been particularly inclined to put my energy into saving money, for example, when the same energy might be spent earning it. And so, as the oppressive dark lifts into longer days, warmer evenings, and brighter mornings, a subtle shift in mindset is the push-off into my best months.

This summer is going to mean something. I have an awareness right now that's been absent for a while. I'm doing my best work... hearing things like I haven't before. I have a sense that the ceiling is climbing. Karen is going to be coming into a new stretch as well, which will change things in our home.

This is life, right? We live, we juggle. It's utterly unwieldy, and stunningly simple in one glance. One day's matrix of goals, plans, and ideas, boils down into another day's simple question: "what do you want to be?"

I want to create excellent work that is something to listen to. I want to be a master on the BBQ. I want to drink a fine scotch, and know the difference. I want to be able to articulate my thoughts, and understand theirs. I want to walk fast, but experience slow. To make the most of every hour of every day, and then to be able to remember what they looked like later on.

Like taking a photo with both eyes open.
JB