oh, it's enough to be on your way
it's enough just to cover ground
it's enough to be moving on
oh build it behind your eyes
carry it in your heart
safe among your own
i don't know what that means. it's a james taylor line. it means something though, to me. maybe i just like the sound of all of that together. i'm once again knee deep in that guy's music. i stumbled on a record of his, 'hourglass' that someone had lent me a while back. somehow, when people lend me music, books, it always takes me about 3 months to get around to giving it a go.
anyway, 'hourglass' is fantastic. it's a pretty serious show of musical ability, for starters. jimmy johnson (bass) makes a pretty big statement on this one as the best pocket player i've ever heard. the drummer was carlos vega, so it has this much more aggressive back beat than what you'd hear on some of his newer steve gadd records. anyway, it seems more and more people are laughing at me these days when i talk about my love of JT, but i'm pretty sure i'm right on this one. he's just a well of hidden gems once you start digging in.
i'm getting going on a new donald miller book. it's about a road trip he and a buddy took across the states. he's a lot like me i think. all introspection and overthinking on his own time. in a good way though. nik and kristina were over yesterday, and nik always brings about 5 new books for me to read. we have an arrangement. i don't so much have to return the favor, since he's currently in school and has no shortage of reading material. i suppose i pick up his scraps. side note: we went to the rex for open jam jazz tuesday, followed by a starbucks run during which i gained 5 pounds immediately upon uttering the words 'i'll have a caramel frappacino..' (chuck, don't be smart, son. i had already had about 5 coffees yesterday.). anyway, it's fine. i did a lot of extra shivering on the walk back to the subway in an effort to negate the 3 pounds of cream on the top of that fat-o-cinno.
'sir, would you also like this glazed 3 pound blueberry muffin with your heartattackocinno?'
'right, sure thing. does that also come with 3 years lower life expectancy?'
'sorry sir, we charge an extra $2.57 for the lowered life expectancy. but i can ring it up as a combo if you want.. it comes with this free increased belt size, and you also get entered into a draw to win one of those scooters that the people ride around disney world on..'
last night for dinner i made something new. it was breaded and grilled talapia with steamed cauliflower and zuchinni. in the end, the cauliflower and zuchinni were mostly just boiled and soggy, but the fish was great! i'm getting there. (don't tell anyone, but today it was back to hamburger helper. a guy has to have his wiggle room...)
another weekend at home on the agenda. Cyn and War are flying in to toronto tomorrow, so it looks like dinner in the distillery and then a late night drive. woot! so excited to meet the Finnster!
lastly, the response has been GREAT for the new record!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you so much!!! So many fantastic comments, and they've been flying off the website!! I really do appreciate it guys. you've been great. I still have a FEW (or a bunch.. or a couple bunch?) left, so get yours NOW!
let me also take one more opportunity to thank James K. for all his work on the website (not to mention the album design). he's a decent man, that one, and if it weren't for him, i'd be cold calling every one of you right now asking you to put the phone on speaker and listen while i played a few cuts and asked for your shipping addresses. find him (www.goodnightmoon.ca).
ok, be back soon. i just have to run out and live life for a few days.
JB
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
RELEASE
Hey!
It's HERE!! Today is the official release date of my new record, Found and Finding. I know, some of you are thinking, 'what the heck, I've had a copy for over a week already..' It's true. But as of today, the record is available online! You and your friends can head on over to www.jonbartel.com to get your copy. While you're over there, you can find lyrics, thoughts on each song, etc. Check it out!
For those of you who are new to the online buying thing, fear not! The company handling my distribution and shipping is great. They're called IndiePool, and they're located not far from my place here in Toronto. It's safe a secure, and a great way to get your hands on the album if you aren't in this part of town and won't get a chance to get a copy from me directly. Plus, who doesn't love getting new stuff in the mail!?
I've also created a group on facebook, so if I haven't added you yet, be sure to hunt me down! Also cmon back here, or to www.jonbartel.com for updates in the future.
Love!
Jon
It's HERE!! Today is the official release date of my new record, Found and Finding. I know, some of you are thinking, 'what the heck, I've had a copy for over a week already..' It's true. But as of today, the record is available online! You and your friends can head on over to www.jonbartel.com to get your copy. While you're over there, you can find lyrics, thoughts on each song, etc. Check it out!
For those of you who are new to the online buying thing, fear not! The company handling my distribution and shipping is great. They're called IndiePool, and they're located not far from my place here in Toronto. It's safe a secure, and a great way to get your hands on the album if you aren't in this part of town and won't get a chance to get a copy from me directly. Plus, who doesn't love getting new stuff in the mail!?
I've also created a group on facebook, so if I haven't added you yet, be sure to hunt me down! Also cmon back here, or to www.jonbartel.com for updates in the future.
Love!
Jon
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Balance
fear is that frustratingly useless companion. i'm so tired of fear.
there is no clearer anthem for my own personal lack of balance than that reigning chorus of doubts (pulled that one out in a straight line, i did...)
mostly, i balance in the direction of, i don't know.. duty/obligation. i have a job to do. to succeed. i have a duty to accomplish something with this life, with these ideas of mine, with these talents. i have only so many hours, i have only so many days. i have one opportunity. i'm proud of my trophies.
you know when i know that i'm unbalanced? when i find myself sitting on the couch on a tuesday playing guitar, fighting over a new idea, a new song, and NOT enjoying it. because at some point, it's shifted, and it's about production. not production: sounds and signals, but production: results. it's about doing it, making it, because it's a trophy, a symbol of my hard work and my success. why have i lost the ability to enjoy it? and where.. at what point did it go? can i not play to hear? to just listen to the sound of what i'm making, and enjoy it?
what is it that i want? not slowness. not laziness. i don't desire to spend my evenings sitting on the couch watching TV. i don't desire to be less aggressive. i desire a different REASON. i want to know who i am, and why i'm doing what i'm doing. what a fight that is. everything gets away from me. i am so unbelievably tied to this world, and to this mindset, this ingrained north american way of processing everything that comes at me. it's so frustrating!
i want very much to detach myself from myself. no, turn that around. i want to be myself. that's a ridiculously common phrase for a monumental concept. so often i stand outside of myself, looking down and observing myself in the middle of a conversation or situation. that's how i see second guessing. that's doubt and reservation. standing back, taking the situation in, and summarily coming up with a list of reasons why everything is sub-optimal.
do you know, those moments. i don't know if i'm alone in those, what i've come to call (in my own head) 'moments of clarity'. i talk about them on here quite a bit i guess. that's what i want. happiness.. that is happiness to me. no... joy. joy is an old word, and perhaps a word tainted by poorly conceived christian choruses, but i really think that, in those moments, i'm a step closer to my actual self, or the world is a step closer to its original design, or both. that is the real. i'm sure of it. the systems of today, of my life, are not, can not, be real. i keep trying to push through this superficial, sortof foggy mess to get to the real thing.
and to wrap (as if such things ever wrap... these thoughts hardly have a beginning, let alone an end. they mostly exist in that no man's land somewhere a few miles north of my heart, but at least a couple service centers south of my head) i wrote something i thought to be interesting in my 'journal' (see also, 'male diary') today:
'that is my worship. that is my song. where sunday songs and standard fare will fall short, as they will, my pursuit will be the constant. i hope that works for you.'
that feels right to me.
thanks for checking in. this has been another episode of 'existential wednesdays'. be sure to tune in next week when we discuss such gems as.....
there is no clearer anthem for my own personal lack of balance than that reigning chorus of doubts (pulled that one out in a straight line, i did...)
mostly, i balance in the direction of, i don't know.. duty/obligation. i have a job to do. to succeed. i have a duty to accomplish something with this life, with these ideas of mine, with these talents. i have only so many hours, i have only so many days. i have one opportunity. i'm proud of my trophies.
you know when i know that i'm unbalanced? when i find myself sitting on the couch on a tuesday playing guitar, fighting over a new idea, a new song, and NOT enjoying it. because at some point, it's shifted, and it's about production. not production: sounds and signals, but production: results. it's about doing it, making it, because it's a trophy, a symbol of my hard work and my success. why have i lost the ability to enjoy it? and where.. at what point did it go? can i not play to hear? to just listen to the sound of what i'm making, and enjoy it?
what is it that i want? not slowness. not laziness. i don't desire to spend my evenings sitting on the couch watching TV. i don't desire to be less aggressive. i desire a different REASON. i want to know who i am, and why i'm doing what i'm doing. what a fight that is. everything gets away from me. i am so unbelievably tied to this world, and to this mindset, this ingrained north american way of processing everything that comes at me. it's so frustrating!
i want very much to detach myself from myself. no, turn that around. i want to be myself. that's a ridiculously common phrase for a monumental concept. so often i stand outside of myself, looking down and observing myself in the middle of a conversation or situation. that's how i see second guessing. that's doubt and reservation. standing back, taking the situation in, and summarily coming up with a list of reasons why everything is sub-optimal.
do you know, those moments. i don't know if i'm alone in those, what i've come to call (in my own head) 'moments of clarity'. i talk about them on here quite a bit i guess. that's what i want. happiness.. that is happiness to me. no... joy. joy is an old word, and perhaps a word tainted by poorly conceived christian choruses, but i really think that, in those moments, i'm a step closer to my actual self, or the world is a step closer to its original design, or both. that is the real. i'm sure of it. the systems of today, of my life, are not, can not, be real. i keep trying to push through this superficial, sortof foggy mess to get to the real thing.
and to wrap (as if such things ever wrap... these thoughts hardly have a beginning, let alone an end. they mostly exist in that no man's land somewhere a few miles north of my heart, but at least a couple service centers south of my head) i wrote something i thought to be interesting in my 'journal' (see also, 'male diary') today:
'that is my worship. that is my song. where sunday songs and standard fare will fall short, as they will, my pursuit will be the constant. i hope that works for you.'
that feels right to me.
thanks for checking in. this has been another episode of 'existential wednesdays'. be sure to tune in next week when we discuss such gems as.....
Sunday, October 19, 2008
fall
on the trip to the meeting house this morning i was completely pumped up by the look of the city. we live right close to the don valley, which has a parkway running north south between the gardener and the 401. but the cool thing is that the don valley is also a bit of a nature spot that borders the city's east side. following the parkway all the way up on the west side is a big valley (and river) full of trees and walking/biking paths. kar was laughing at me and the fact that i seem to show the same little boy sense of awe every fall, but i really don't think i've ever seen colors like i saw this morning. it's just incredible.
as corny as it sounds, i've taken to walking out of our basement every morning as i head for the subway, and (provided it's a nice day, which, recently, it has been) lookin around quick and saying, 'nice work God.'
i think it's just become my way of saying thanks for the day, and of recognizing that it's good to be alive. makes for a good start.
also, not really that it's news to anybody reading here, but my brother and Vik had a baby BOY!!! a few notes:
it's really awesome that he's a boy. why? i don't know. i think, because, somehow, there's something incredible about knowing that my brother has a son. i mean, can't you already picture it all? the fishing trips... the talks in the barn... the F1 races and the golfing and the summer jobs in the shop. hehehehee... awesome.
i'm so proud of those two and so happy for them!
finally, YES the record is done, and YES it's ready. just getting a few details finalized so you guys actually have a place to buy it!! should be within the next week or so.
if you find yourself simply beside yourself at the thought of waiting any longer, pop on by www.myspace.com/jonathanbartelmusic for sounds. suffice to say, it came together beautifully, and james' work on the design is nothing short of astounding. it has a great look and feel to it, and i think it really goes well with the sound of the whole package. i'll let you know!! check back often!
love!
J
as corny as it sounds, i've taken to walking out of our basement every morning as i head for the subway, and (provided it's a nice day, which, recently, it has been) lookin around quick and saying, 'nice work God.'
i think it's just become my way of saying thanks for the day, and of recognizing that it's good to be alive. makes for a good start.
also, not really that it's news to anybody reading here, but my brother and Vik had a baby BOY!!! a few notes:
it's really awesome that he's a boy. why? i don't know. i think, because, somehow, there's something incredible about knowing that my brother has a son. i mean, can't you already picture it all? the fishing trips... the talks in the barn... the F1 races and the golfing and the summer jobs in the shop. hehehehee... awesome.
i'm so proud of those two and so happy for them!
finally, YES the record is done, and YES it's ready. just getting a few details finalized so you guys actually have a place to buy it!! should be within the next week or so.
if you find yourself simply beside yourself at the thought of waiting any longer, pop on by www.myspace.com/jonathanbartelmusic for sounds. suffice to say, it came together beautifully, and james' work on the design is nothing short of astounding. it has a great look and feel to it, and i think it really goes well with the sound of the whole package. i'll let you know!! check back often!
love!
J
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
good bye oh bio
am i alone in that i start many more books than i finish?
the frustrating thing is that i have, it seems, to get at least halfway through the book to really fully decide whether i'm going to actually read it or not.
i believe there is a point hovering at or around the halfway mark of a book at which i'm forced to make a decision on the value of continuing on to the next page. it's an all or nothing. i choose to stop, toss the book aside as worthless and vile, or turn, and continue on what will surely be an enlightening and inspiring journey.
i don't think i like books that are halfway there. actually, i don't think i like media of any kind that is halfway there. i've found that to be increasingly true of movies. i find myself wanting to be challenged, or moved, in every willful encounter with art. i'm being disingenuous to suggest that i only watch/read/listen to that which is wholey inspiring and a good tough chew. everybody has their easy favorites.
but back to books... i'm at that point with this, my latest go.
i'm reading an autobioagraphy of David Suzuki. i think it's fairly interesting. i've been lead to some 'through' thoughts, if you will.. that being, thoughts that lead me to other thoughts, which ended up taking up a good portion of time and brain-space over the course of the week. so that's good. but, at the same time, i'm pretty sure that if i keep on reading through to the end of this, a not-short memoir, i won't necessarily gain any more than that which i've already gained. so... perhaps it's time to signal right, turn left, and go our separate ways. for tonight, anyway, i don't have anything else in the house to pick up, so i suppose i'll stay with it.
i love the whole world.
J
the frustrating thing is that i have, it seems, to get at least halfway through the book to really fully decide whether i'm going to actually read it or not.
i believe there is a point hovering at or around the halfway mark of a book at which i'm forced to make a decision on the value of continuing on to the next page. it's an all or nothing. i choose to stop, toss the book aside as worthless and vile, or turn, and continue on what will surely be an enlightening and inspiring journey.
i don't think i like books that are halfway there. actually, i don't think i like media of any kind that is halfway there. i've found that to be increasingly true of movies. i find myself wanting to be challenged, or moved, in every willful encounter with art. i'm being disingenuous to suggest that i only watch/read/listen to that which is wholey inspiring and a good tough chew. everybody has their easy favorites.
but back to books... i'm at that point with this, my latest go.
i'm reading an autobioagraphy of David Suzuki. i think it's fairly interesting. i've been lead to some 'through' thoughts, if you will.. that being, thoughts that lead me to other thoughts, which ended up taking up a good portion of time and brain-space over the course of the week. so that's good. but, at the same time, i'm pretty sure that if i keep on reading through to the end of this, a not-short memoir, i won't necessarily gain any more than that which i've already gained. so... perhaps it's time to signal right, turn left, and go our separate ways. for tonight, anyway, i don't have anything else in the house to pick up, so i suppose i'll stay with it.
i love the whole world.
J
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
road rage meets road redemption
The other day i got a speeding ticket. pretty big one unfortunately. but you know what? our justice/traffic system is surprisingly gracious, and for that reason, i'm smiling today.
scenario: Friday night. i'm heading out to Niks place in Newmarket to hang out for the evening. It's been a long day at work, of course. over the past few weeks, leading up to this friday, my state of mind has been, sadly, deflating. An increasing level of frustration and, to put it bluntly, a bad attitude, has been growing on me. As i'm turning left onto the service road that will feed into Eglinton West, i fall in line behind the slowest driver in Toronto. It's too much, and i lose it a bit. Naturally, being all-knowing, and the educator that i am, i decide to show her how she should be driving. the best way, as you well know, to accomplish this, is to pull out beside the person immediately following a stop sign, and pass them with reckless abandon. at which point, of course, they see how fast you're driving, immediately recognize that they were in the wrong for driving much more safely, and in control, and therefore apologize in their hearts and ask forgiveness. which, naturally, you withold in your own heart so as to ensure that the lesson is lasting, and they never truly forget this moment of tough, yet loving, chastisement.
anyway, the second i cleared her front bumper and pulled into her lane in front of her, the cop pulled into my lane behind me. with his lights on.
i was doing 88 in a 60. burn. 130 bucks and 3 points.
granted, it was a turning point, mentally. it provided that moment in which i looked at the past few weeks and realized that i was losing sight, and things were becoming pretty sour and cynical in my head. it was a great stopper, and provided the opportunity for a mental 180.
so, taking my licks is not something i am above, if i'm in the wrong. and clearly, i was. so it was to my pleasant and unexpected delight that today's courthouse proceedings took place.
the cop had told me to get a court date. which sounded odd to me. i wasn't in any position to defend myself. but he said, nevertheless, that if i got a court date and he was there, he'd knock of the points, and if he wasn't there, the points would be automatically knocked off. so i thought it worth a try, as points are like cotton candy to insurance brokers.
so today i went to the courthouse in markham to plead guilty with an explanation. i walked into this little room (after getting a number and waiting a bit) and sat down in front of this lady. she held out her hand without looking at me, presumably asking for my ticket. i gave it to her. she looked at it and said.. '88 in a 60? that's 3 points. i'll knock it down to 15 over, no points, deal?' to which i said, 'cool!' to which she said, 'follow me.'
into another room, and some other guy, along with this girl. she says, 'jon here wants his ticket down to 15 over.' new guy says, '15 over in a 60. how do you plead?' i said, 'guilty'. he said, 'pay within 15 days.'
so, points were cut off, and my fine was chopped from $135 to $50. how great is that!
does everybody know that you can do this? and the best part, is that it all took about 20 minutes, so i didn't even miss work to do it.
god bless canada.
J
scenario: Friday night. i'm heading out to Niks place in Newmarket to hang out for the evening. It's been a long day at work, of course. over the past few weeks, leading up to this friday, my state of mind has been, sadly, deflating. An increasing level of frustration and, to put it bluntly, a bad attitude, has been growing on me. As i'm turning left onto the service road that will feed into Eglinton West, i fall in line behind the slowest driver in Toronto. It's too much, and i lose it a bit. Naturally, being all-knowing, and the educator that i am, i decide to show her how she should be driving. the best way, as you well know, to accomplish this, is to pull out beside the person immediately following a stop sign, and pass them with reckless abandon. at which point, of course, they see how fast you're driving, immediately recognize that they were in the wrong for driving much more safely, and in control, and therefore apologize in their hearts and ask forgiveness. which, naturally, you withold in your own heart so as to ensure that the lesson is lasting, and they never truly forget this moment of tough, yet loving, chastisement.
anyway, the second i cleared her front bumper and pulled into her lane in front of her, the cop pulled into my lane behind me. with his lights on.
i was doing 88 in a 60. burn. 130 bucks and 3 points.
granted, it was a turning point, mentally. it provided that moment in which i looked at the past few weeks and realized that i was losing sight, and things were becoming pretty sour and cynical in my head. it was a great stopper, and provided the opportunity for a mental 180.
so, taking my licks is not something i am above, if i'm in the wrong. and clearly, i was. so it was to my pleasant and unexpected delight that today's courthouse proceedings took place.
the cop had told me to get a court date. which sounded odd to me. i wasn't in any position to defend myself. but he said, nevertheless, that if i got a court date and he was there, he'd knock of the points, and if he wasn't there, the points would be automatically knocked off. so i thought it worth a try, as points are like cotton candy to insurance brokers.
so today i went to the courthouse in markham to plead guilty with an explanation. i walked into this little room (after getting a number and waiting a bit) and sat down in front of this lady. she held out her hand without looking at me, presumably asking for my ticket. i gave it to her. she looked at it and said.. '88 in a 60? that's 3 points. i'll knock it down to 15 over, no points, deal?' to which i said, 'cool!' to which she said, 'follow me.'
into another room, and some other guy, along with this girl. she says, 'jon here wants his ticket down to 15 over.' new guy says, '15 over in a 60. how do you plead?' i said, 'guilty'. he said, 'pay within 15 days.'
so, points were cut off, and my fine was chopped from $135 to $50. how great is that!
does everybody know that you can do this? and the best part, is that it all took about 20 minutes, so i didn't even miss work to do it.
god bless canada.
J
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