i am a restless soul... and i find direction in sharing that.

news bulletins:

The Record:

I've cleaned up and premixed 3 of 4 drum tracks that were recorded over the holidays. i'm really very excited about the sounds. everything is meaty and large, and with the finished drum tracks up in a full mix with my guitars, everything is coming out better than i would have hoped for.

i really do love how a record takes shape as it's created. having no idea how my finished drum tracks would be coming out (recording them in a new environment, with a mic collection i have no drum recording experience with) it's such a great experience to finally put everything up together in a mix and realize... 'oh, cool.. that's a different feel than i may have fully envisioned.. but i like that a lot!' you never really can be sure, until everything is cleaned and polished, what you're going to have to work with.

i'll finish up the other track (I Find You) this week, and move on to more writing and demoing. this current batch of songs will be ressurected in time for more work before the final mixes. Five tunes and rolling.. and all of them are strong (in my opinion)!

Reading:

I just finished 'Life After God', a book by Douglas Coupland. i borrowed it from Nik Hubert, and i've been reading it on and off along with 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' lately. it was a really bizzare read, to be sure. i usually appreciate these types of media that are clearly off the beaten path. if nothing else, they have you thinking in a new direction. this is a collection of stories about various characters in various stages of life. they are told in first person, and can almost be seen as journal entries describing the thoughts and emotions of the characters. at first glance, much of the writing seems almost arbitrary. entire chapters are devoted to mundane details of a persons life... the book starts, for example, with a guy describing in great detail a drive he took with his son on a highway north from Whistler, BC into logging country. He talks about the things he sees, about his son's questions, and his efforts to quell his son's curiosity in spite of his own awareness of his lack of understanding of the world around him, and his fears that his son may be ashamed if he new how little his father actually knew about life..

So the book goes on, and you read more and more stories, and most of them are sortof sad, and you feel bad for the guys... they all share a sense of dissapointment with the world as they've come to know it, and the ways in which it is pointedly different from the world they knew as kids. so i finish this book, and i'm sitting on the couch sortof trying to come to terms with the last story, and understand what i was supposed to learn from this, and then i realize that the entire book is pointed at exposing the futility of self-based culture, and each of these characters is wading through the confusion we all deal with at times throughout the course of our lives.

it's THE profound question... why am i here? what's the point? what am i doing, and who cares about it anyway? if i just stopped... just stayed in bed today... would it have any lasting effect on anybody at all?

the book leaves that unanswered.. it isn't faith-based by any means, and i suspect the author was writing for the sake of asking the question, not finding the answer.

every ounce of meaning in my life is found in ... God. at least on that idealistic level (i dare say i'm not entirely altruistic in my pursuits, though i wish it were so) my work, my music, my relationships... i do all of these things in an attempt to become who i believe God has created me to be. i believe that so intensely. i meet so many people through work, among other things, and i always wonder what gives people life. what are people living for? in this book... these people lack life... i think that i'm in contact with people on a daily basis who would really rather stay in bed.. not because they're tired, but because getting up means continuing what has long been a losing battle to find meaning.

i read an interesting quote, along these lines, from a new book i'm starting ('soul cravings' by erwin mcmanus.. at the eager promptings of my dad). while i don't recall the exact wording, he says something along the lines of, 'people won't be forced to experience the life-giving nature of a relationship with God.. that's something they have to find.'

i'm thinking that's true.

i believe that every human being is searching for meaning. it's what we do. in our own humorous way, we convince ourselves that we're about all of the other important things that life demands of us... but the big white elephant in the room forever remains - we're looking for purpose, for fulfillment. it's something that a person needs to find. it's beyond a quick fix.

peope aren't trying to figure out how to achieve after-life in heaven. people are trying to figure out how to achieve this life on earth.

perhaps that's the destination. perhaps if i were to fully pursue my purpose, and i was able to fully devote myself to fullfilling that, to being who God designed me to be, and if i was able to completely let go, and fully live in a state of dedication to that greater end, that would be a pretty clear picture of heaven. after all... what's heaven? where we go when we die.. fine.. but what defines it? what is the difference between there are here? aside from the golden lamp posts, wouldn't the contrast be found in our relationship with God, our understanding, and our ability to model him in our own existence?

i ramble. i know. but i have to wonder.

after all, the same can be said for my current daily efforts... if i were to have stayed in bed today... remained there for the week... the year... if discovery channel was forced to go off-air in my absense, even CTV.... then what?